I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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