The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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