Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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