PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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