Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
