NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
