I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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