as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
