I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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