Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
