Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
