nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
