I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
