How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
