Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize