So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
