We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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