Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
