my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
