she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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