Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
