Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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