i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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