I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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