For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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