It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
