She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
