Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
