So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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