Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
