I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
