I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
