i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
