i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
