We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His nipple licking is glorious
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