The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
