been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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