Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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