My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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