FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
