I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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