Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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