Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i was born a porn star she said
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
