It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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