She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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