sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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