We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
