Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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