hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
