i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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