There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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