Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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