is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
