am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
