mondays should just be called national damage control day
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
