already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
