Do you still have your period?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
