There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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