I cannot find my penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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