dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
