DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
