You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
