You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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