Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
