Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
