boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
