Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
